- Teacher assists a student as he composes.

 

[clip length—01:40]

TEACHER:  Okay, well you know what? I can help you right away. The thing I noticed you put here is, “I agree with position four.” But think about a reader who’d never heard of the different positions. What is position four? Do you remember? It’s on the board.

STUDENT:  Right there?

TEACHER:  Yeah.

STUDENT:  Parents can’t—

TEACHER:  Parents can’t do it out— do I by themselves. So what it’s saying is that, whose responsibility is children’s health? Well, it’s parents and who?

STUDENT:  And school?

TEACHER:  And school. So instead of saying, I agree with position four, I would say, Children’s health is the responsibility of…

STUDENT:  Uh…

TEACHER:  Of who?

STUDENT:  Parents can’t do their job alone?

TEACHER:  Okay, of parents and…

STUDENT:  School.

TEACHER:  And school. Okay? And then why? Well, because parents can’t do it all by themselves. They need help, right?

STUDENT:  Yeah.

TEACHER:  Okay? And then when somebody’s reading yourpaper, even if they’re not familiar with the four positions, they’re gonna understand what you’re talking about, yes? Okay? So go ahead and— and fix that thesis sentence. And then that’s the first thing, Joel. Right here. “Your

TEACHER : thesis sentence clearly states the position.” It doesn’t just say, Oh, it’s position number four; but it tells me what that means. Yes? Okay.

STUDENT:  Thank you.

TEACHER:  I’ll come back and check with you. You’re welcome.

 

 

- BJ's draft and essay - Claudia's draft and essay - Joel's draft and essay - Nancy's draft and essay